Ashes to Ashes, Dusty Vag: A Menopause Story 😁
This might be a little TMI for some of you, but honestly? That’s the main problem!
We live in a world that literally wouldn’t exist without women’s bodies… yet the natural, sacred, messy things those bodies go through?
Still taboo.
Still hidden.
Still treated like we’ve failed.
So yeah. Lets chat!
How my journey started 🤦🏼♀️
One day, I noticed this… funk.
An earthy, meaty, sweaty smell that just lingered no matter how many showers I had.
It reminded me of my teenage boys’ rooms first thing in the morning #iykyk
Not exactly the energy I was going for.. ya know?
Like any good overthinking ADHD’r with a recent history of medical drama, I spiraled a little:
“Do I have cancer?”
“An internal infection?”
“Am I… rotting from the inside?”
A little dramatic, sure.. but they were very real thoughts!!!
So I dragged myself back and forth to my very understanding GP.
Vaginal Swabs. Mouth Swabs. Bloods.
I even went to the dentist in case it was a rotten tooth (& I’m a paralysed mess with dentists).
Only to be told I have a lovely little hormonal housewarming gift from the Menopause gods 🎉
But I didn’t have ‘normal’ symptoms!
No inferno level hot flushes, other than the occasional night sweat.
I was moodier, sure, but I’d put that up to overwhelming stress of life at the time.
When my GP asked me what I thought ‘normal symptoms’ were.. I said I didn’t think it was what I was experiencing: a funky full body odour, itchy everything, serious brain fog, always cold (like ridiculously so), efficient weight gain & the general feeling I’d been possessed by someones super tired, cranky, emotional great great aunt Karen!!!
Quick backstory as to why this took me by surprise.
I had a total hysterectomy at 38.
Uterus & cervix out, ovaries in.
The surgeon said that by the time I reach this age, my ovaries will have shrivelled so there’s a high chance I’ll breeze through meno.
So for years I assumed I’d bypass the worst of it, which I suppose I did..
Fast forward to now, nearly 50 & oestrogen has officially left the building while my body is freelancing the shit out of life.
I would have coped better if my brain hadn’t turned on me too I think.
I mean, it’s always been a little spicy - undiagnosed ADHD & now family history of alzheimers + dementia - I’m such an overachiever 😂
But the sudden forgetfulness, extreme overwhelm & unnecessary tears over a broken teabag are fucking next level crazy town!
So imagine the usual brain fog:
“Did I just put the kettle on?”
“Why am I crying at this tissue commercial?”
“Where are my… wait, what was I looking for?”
& intensify it by a 1000..
The semi organised adult you once were - gonsky!!
In her place? A confused gremlin trying to function with one brain cell that is focused on a speck of dust on the dining table.
So in one of my 3am meetings with a dimly lit ceiling, I started researching.
Turns out, oestrogen and dopamine are besties, so when oestrogen dips, ADHD like symptoms can go feral, along with a few of my other conditions .. ooooo how fun! 🫣
So for your educational purposes, I’ve created this list!
🔥 The WTF Menopause List 🔥
It’s my personal roundup of “what in the hormonal hell?” symptoms I didn’t know existed.. Enjoy!
🟠 Earwax & itchy ears
Like, what the actual fuck?
Excess earwax and dry, itchy ears can be due to falling oestrogen, which affects the moisture levels and oil production in your ear canals.
Yes. You heard me, even the bloody ear canals don’t miss out!
🟠 Feeling cold ALL the time
I feel the cold anyway, but this is bone deep shivers, even when it’s not that cold!!
My GP is keeping an eye on it, but it is also part of this journey.
Oestrogen helps regulate body temperature, so when it drops, your internal thermostat can short circuit, cue hot flushes one day and freezing feet the next.
I guess we don’t just have mood swings, we have climate swings too!
🟠 Funky body odour
Your pheromones are shifting + decreased oestrogen = more sweat and bacterial changes in the skin.
So yeah — you might start to smell a bit different.
Even your wee might change scent (it’s weird, do not recommend).
Cute, right?
🟠 Vaginal dryness & surprise odours
We expect the dryness, but the weird smells that come & go?
Changing hormones alter vaginal flora, pH levels & mucus production.
As if we aren’t anxious, self consciousness & feeling insecure enough.
Having fun yet?! 🙄
🟠 Severe brain fog
We touched on this already.
Lower oestrogen = less dopamine = brain cells playing hide and seek.
Great! Now we’re playing games too.
Yep.. expect to forget names, dates & why you walked into rooms.
Normal. Infuriating. Temporary (hopefully).
🟠 Dry mouth, dry eyes, dry skin
It feels like someone has put you in a dehydrator! Not even kidding.. Most days I feel like a damn dried apricot!
Oestrogen supports moisture retention across your whole body, not just the sexy bits.
Honestly, my skin has become super sensitive to fabrics, lotions, pretty much anything. Feels like tiny little spikes digging in or little ants crawling under my skin ALL DAY!!
🟠 Mood roulette
Laughing. Crying. ADHD stimming. All within 60 seconds. It’s so confusing & disrupting.
Oestrogen influences serotonin and dopamine levels, which impacts mood regulation.
So you are most definitely not going “crazy.” You’re just chemically unbalanced and still doing hard things.
Legends 🤙🏼
🟠 Random weight gain
Ugh.. this one has been the toughest to accept for me.. Let me say, it’s not just because you “aren’t trying hard enough.”
Hormonal shifts impact metabolism, insulin resistance & fat distribution.
Even with regular movement and decent food choices, your body is rewriting its own rules.
Be kind to yourself.
🟠 Full body aches & stiffness
This one has also been hard to navigate.
Oestrogen has anti inflammatory properties, so its decline can worsen joint pain, especially if you already have chronic conditions.
I used to walk 10kms most days along the beach & be seriously hyper mobile (drove my physios nuts), now I feel like the Tin Man & a light 15min walk one day, can leave me bedridden the next!
Well, that’s it.. just a few of the things I am personally navigating still.
What do you think?
Impressive right?
Women are fucking awesome 🤍
Which leads me to our handsome men in the room
If you’re still reading, first of all, thank you.
Second, I get it.
You’re as confused as we are.
One minute we’re radiant and playful.
The next we’re crying in the pantry because we can’t find the rice that’s literally right in front of us.
(Yes, we know it’s right there. No, we don’t want you to point it out. That will see you hurt. Be smart. Be safe 🥰).
We’ve got sweat pooling under our boobs, or we can’t feel our cold fingers, we’re furious because an empty milk carton was put back in the fridge & all our clothes don’t fit or feel like sandpaper on our skin.
We don’t understand it, we’re doing the best we can, but we still love you!
We simply ask for that in return.
This shit is real & it’s out of our control, which is utterly terrifying - especially in the beginning.
So if you have a woman in your life, or work with one, or are raising one, here’s some suggestions if you are at this stage of life with them:
• Don’t be dismissive.
• Don’t try to fix her.
• Don’t comment on her body - ever! (Should be common sense)
• Don’t suggest less sugar, more exercise or water.
K?.. K 🙃
Oh & for the love of all things sacred, if this is happening to your ride or die partner, please do not make jokes during sex if it’s feeling or smelling different down there.
That happened to me once & I’ve never let anyone back there since. True story.
That is a sacred portal my friend.
If you’ve been invited, treat it as such!
Educate yourself. Listen. Be there. Simples.
.
.
.
Ladies.. once you settle in & surrender, you’ll realise this is a rite of passage.
The problem is, we’re often not prepared enough for this.
If we still functioned like a village, we would be surrounded by our elders, all helping us walk through this time.
Instead, most of go in blindly like we’re being shoved through a make believe wardrobe into Narnia (although that would be pretty awesome), no map, no guides, nothing!
But menopause is a rite of passage.
It’s not the end, it’s the death of one stage of life and a rebirth into the next!
You’ve heard of Maiden–Mother–Crone, right?
Well, there’s a lesser known fourth phase, Maga (or Marga).
It represents the season of autumn.
The wild woman.
The truth teller.
The in between priestess who walks ahead, torch in hand, before the final descent into cronehood.
She is powerful.
She is free.
She is rising.
You are crossing a threshold.
You’ve lived life. You’ve held people together. You’ve survived heartbreak, hormones & probably a few pyramid schemes 😉
Now you get to give less fucks.
You get to honour what’s been.
You get to call back your magic.
You get to step into your next beautiful chapter & live some more epic tales.
So go ahead & take your crown 👑
Menopause won’t break you, it is just beginning!
With love & grace,
Trina 💕
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