Part IV - Truth as Catalyst

Sometimes when you speak your truth, everything falls apart.

The friendship.

The romance.

The illusion.

The fragile scaffolding of who you were trying to be, just to keep the peace.

This isn’t the pretty part of healing.

It’s not poetic.

It’s raw, messy & often devastating.

Because truth isn’t always soft.

Sometimes truth is the earthquake that reveals the fault lines.

Sometimes it’s the final straw that breaks a connection wide open.

Sometimes… it’s the most liberating thing you will ever do, even if it costs you.

I say this, because I’ve spoken my truth and lost people along the way. 

A friend once asked me for honesty, in fact she begged me to not hold back.

So I gave it to her.

Gently & thoughtfully.

She thanked me for being a ‘true friend’ & we kept talking for a few weeks after …

Then boom. Unfriended. Gone. No explanation.

But it wasn’t just me, both my kids got it too!

Another time was with my ex.

He said something super cruel while we were away with his parents, words & actions that stuck in my gut like glass.

But I didn’t speak up right away.

I couldn’t face the shame of it. 

So I sat on it & I stewed.

When I finally found the words months later, the relationship began to unravel… Fast.

He said he felt guilty, but didn’t remember saying it.

He drank too much.

I waited too long.

All of a sudden my truth, once a deeply buried bruise, felt like a bomb.

I carried so much guilt of my own for both scenarios.

I questioned for a really long time whether I should have said anything.

But I know now, that it wouldn’t have mattered. 

Those relationships were already doomed.

My truth didn’t actually blow up anything, it simply highlighted the inevitable. 

So when I say I haven’t always got it right, I mean it. 

I’ve spoken my truth out of anger.

Out of projection.

Out of unprocessed trauma, trying to make someone else see, hear & feel my pain, trying to pull them into it almost. 

There were times I thought I was being authentic with my words, when in actual fact, I was just defending my wounds.

Wounds that caused damage far longer than they should have; to others, to myself & especially with the people I loved most.

So, it’s not just about what you say.. it’s about where you are saying it from.

Truth spoken from a wound will burn everything down.

Truth spoken from wisdom may still end something, however it does so with clarity vs collateral damage.

Most people say they want honesty.

Until you actually give it to them.

That’s when you find the ones who are bypassing their own shit, will end up ghosting you.

When the friendships vanish.

When lovers suddenly try to gaslight you & say they don’t even recognise you anymore.

Simply because your truth doesn’t fit the version of you they have preferred.

People can & will love you for your silence.

For your softness.

For your agreeableness.

But the minute your truth asks them to meet you in the discomfort… they’re out!

If that happens, let them go.

Because if your truth broke something between you, I promise it was already fragile to begin with.

You standing in your truth, using your voice & no longer pretending, does not serve them anymore. 

End of story! 

If you’re holding back & standing on the edge of any type of truth, knowing it’s time to speak, but terrified of what you might lose…

Please hear this:

If your truth ends a relationship, or rearranges your life in some way; you were not where you were going to thrive & that is ok. 

It was time to stop shrinking yourself to fit into someone else’s comfort zone.

If that’s too much for them & they leave?

Wave bye bye.

They were never loving you, they were loving the version of you that made them feel safe.

Just like you responding in a way that kept you safe. Sometimes these human things get a little weird..

so please try to walk away with no shame or guilt or anger. 

These days, I don’t carry as much guilt for speaking up as I used to.

I’m doing the work.

I’m learning to listen to my body & notice if I’m responding from a grounded, integrated place.

Learning that truth is a clearing, might be messy at first, it might hurt or it might leave you walking away from people you thought were your forever people.

But what comes next, is the true magic..

Freedom.

Alignment.

Self trust.

Peace in your nervous system that no longer has to contort itself to be palatable.

This is truth as a catalyst.. 

Not for chaos, but for clarity.

Not for cruelty, but for integrity.

Not for destruction, but for rebirth.

Show yourself some compassion if you are navigating this at the moment. 

It does get easier!

🔜 Next Up in This Series:

You’ve spoken the truth & the fallout is complete. 

Now what?

In Blog Five, we explore what I call the reconstruction phase.

A how to on rebuilding your self trust, your nervous system & other relationships; after it’s done..

Truth as reclamation.

Where the Phoenix rises.

Where the voice gets stronger.

Where the body softens, knowing you don’t have to betray yourself to be loved anymore.