5 ‘Spiritual’ phrases that give me the ick!

If I hear “good vibes only” one more time, I might actually throw a crystal at someone & don’t get me started on “everything happens for a reason.” 

These little slogans float around like spiritual fast food: easy to consume, zero nourishment and no one stops to think about what they’re actually serving.

For me, these phrases aren’t harmless. 

They can shut down real conversations, silence someone’s pain and push us into bypassing what’s actually happening. 

While they might feel comforting to the person saying them, they often leave the other person feeling more isolated than before. 

So let’s strip them back, call them out and talk about what I really feel is going on underneath.

1. Love and Light

Awww.. On the surface, “love and light” sounds sweet, doesn’t it? Like a spiritual Hallmark card. 

But when you’re in the thick of trauma, burnout, or overwhelm, what does “sending love and light” actually do for you? 

Nothing. 

It’s the equivalent of waving politely at someone drowning. You look supportive, but you’re not throwing a fucking lifeline!

Now, don’t get me wrong, sometimes when it comes from the right person, someone who brings real presence behind it, it can land (I have a few sistas who use this & I recognise where it comes from with them). 

But too often it feels like a catchphrase people hide behind when they don’t know what else to say & let me tell you, when you’re hurting & deep in the trenches of grief or rage or a heavy emotion, that vagueness can feel like disconnection instead of love & care.

Instead: Try simple honesty. “I don’t know the right words to say, but I see you.” Or even, “I wish I could make this easier. I’m here if you want to talk.” 

That doesn’t sound as ‘poetic’ right, but it’s real & real is what people actually need in those times. 

2. Everything Happens for a Reason

This one makes my blood boil.

I cringe that I used to say it myself A LOT!!

I thought I was being wise, cosmic, comforting.

But really, I now see it was a way of bypassing. Because if everything happens for a reason, I don’t have to sit with the discomfort of pain, unfairness, or cruelty. 

I get to skip the hard part, the shadow work, the sitting with my feelings & emotions and pretend it was all divinely orchestrated. Fuuucckk!!

But imagine saying this to someone who’s lost a child, or some who’s been assaulted, or someone who is trying to crawl out of years of abuse.

“Everything happens for a reason” is not only akin to being tone deaf, I feel it can be rather violent. 

By that I mean, I feel like it forces people to somewhat spiritualise their suffering instead of processing it. 

But let’s be real, half the time, the “reasons” people come up with is just a way to keep themselves comfortable & sometimes safe in their bubble! 

They are not wrong for that, it’s just not helpful in the long run.

Instead: Don’t try to explain away someone’s pain. Say, “This hurts. It shouldn’t have happened. I don’t have answers, but I won’t leave you in it alone.” 

That’s where compassion lives, in the presence of you, not in explanations.

3. Good Vibes Only

This one is toxic positivity dressed up in a boho maxi dress & feather earrings (damn, thats my vibe haha)

I mean, what even counts as a “good vibe”? 

My good vibe might be belting Alanis Morissette in the car with mascara streaming down my face. 

Yours might be meditating at sunrise.

Neither is wrong. 

But the idea of only good vibes is an invitation to repress everything else.

When we say “good vibes only,” we’re really saying: don’t bring me your grief, your anger, your depression, your fear. 

I only want the shiny parts thank you!

What that does, is shame people into hiding their real feelings. 

It tells them they’re not welcome unless they can perform in a state of constant happiness & rainbow glitter.

FFS honestly? That’s not anywhere near spiritual. 

In my mind, that’s a big red fucking flag of denial. 

Real spirituality isn’t about cutting off half the human experience because it makes you, us, them uncomfortable.

Instead: Try, “All of you is welcome here.” 

Or, “You don’t need to be okay for me to sit beside you.” 

Because connection isn’t about curating vibes. 

It’s about holding space for the messiness of human existence!

4. Raise Your Vibration

Honestly, if I had a dollar for every time I heard this one, I’d have my own 50 acre retreat space/animal sanctuary by now. 

Soooo.. “Raise your vibration” is often thrown around like a magic wand, as if someone can just flip a switch and go from hells depths of despair to unicorn powered bliss. 

But life doesn’t work that way. 

Healing doesn’t work that way.

To someone in survival mode, struggling with burnout, trauma, or mental health issues, being told to “raise your vibration” feels like being told to levitate out of your pain & pretend it doesn’t exist. 

I speak from experience here, it’s fucking impossible and it’s down right invalidating. 

Yes! We are all energy. We are all frequency.

But your energy & frequency doesn’t need to be “higher” to be valid. 

The lows are as much a part of the human experience as the highs. 

The shadows, the grief, the rage, they all have purpose & 100% deserve a seat at the table.

Under no circumstances do you need to be “higher” to be worthy of love and belonging.

Instead: Ask something grounded. “What’s one thing you can do today that helps you feel steady?” 

Or, “What would make your body feel safe right now?” That’s not bypass. That’s care.

5. Just Let It Go

This phrase might be the one that bites the hardest. 

Because yes, there is truth in letting go. 

But only after you’ve done the work. 

Only after you’ve felt the grief, acknowledged the wound and understood why it hooked into you in the first place.

Telling someone to “just let it go” in the middle of heartbreak or trauma is like slapping a bandaid on a bullet wound and telling them to walk it off. 

It doesn’t heal. It continues to fester and then the same patterns repeat, again and again and again, because the root of the issue was never touched, never dealt with.

I know this one intimately. 

My abandonment wounds and attachment issues didn’t dissolve because I decided to “let go.” 

They kept showing up in relationship after relationship until I finally sat with them, faced the fear, looked them in the eye and unraveled where it came from. 

That’s what true letting go looks like: a conscious release that comes after succumbing to yourself, acknowledging the real work & being true to yourself, not before it - in my opinion of course *curtsey*

Instead: Try, “It’s okay if you’re not ready to release this yet. What do you think it’s teaching you?” 

That creates space for understanding before release.

Let’s wrap this up.. 

Keep your rituals. 

Keep your crystals, your sage, your sound bowls, your prayers - they are all worthy!

But these fast food style phrases? 

They don’t help people heal. 

They’re not spiritually inclined. 

More often than not, they dismiss, bypass, or silence what really needs to be seen, heard, recognised & worked through! 

You see, my take on this is: being spiritual isn’t just about hovering above life in a bubble of incense and affirmations. It’s also diving into the grit, the shadow, the rage, the grief and finding the truth that lives there. 

It’s about sitting with people in their mess without trying to tidy it up with a phrase, a slogan or the latest buzzword. 

Promise me the next time you feel one of these phrases about to roll off your tongue, pause. 

Ask yourself: is this going to help someone feel seen, or am I just trying to make the moment less uncomfortable for me?

When all else fails, here’s a radical idea: drop the script in your mind. 

Be human.

Listen.

Sit in silence if that’s all you’ve got. 

That’s worth a thousand “love and lights”, trust me!

Because at the end of the day, spirituality isn’t about good vibes only. 

It’s about real vibes, all of them, all the time.. & honestly? 

I think that’s far more interesting, don’t you?